Friday, May 25, 2007

I can't get enough talk radio. Most days during lunch I sit in my car and listen to 101.1 FM the Source for some good political dialogue. The Lee Davis show is usually on during my lunch break. Lee Davis is conservative, Alabama conservative, and most of his callers are similar. The show usually goes something like this:

Lee: "We got Earl up next. Watcha know good Earl?"
Earl: "You know what gets me all riled up Lee, what makes me so angry I could spit? Terists. Plain and simple. Them A-rab boys are over thar killin our boys everyday, insurgents goin bananas blowin themselves up, al-quadea causen all this secretarian violence. It's never endin. I'll tell you what the problem is Lee.
Lee: "Talk to me Earl"
Earl: "Democrats. Plain and simple. You know what's messin up our country today? You know what's makin Amrica less safe each and every day? The party of Narncy Pelosi cut and run yello bellied, tax hikin, hippie lovin, baby killin Democrats. That's what. You know what else is ruinin this great nation that you and i both love, help me jesus?
Lee: "Preach on brother"
Earl: Immigrants. Tell you what Lee, these fellers up in Warshington wantin to give them illegals armnesty got another thing comin. You know if them folks up in warshington don't tie them sumbitches up and throw over the Rio Grandadero River, I will. Plain and simple. Read my lips. If you is an illegal in this great freedom lovin, gawd fearin nation, you got another thing comin brother, amigo, if you will and I will.
Lee: You know Earl, I agree with everything you're sayin, but I think I'd take it a step further. I mean...

and so on and so forth.

Another one of my favorite radio talk shows is Paul Finebaum, sports talk. The following dialogue is loosely based on an actual Finebaum caller, Shane from Center Point.

Paul: "Let's keep things rollin along and take another caller. Shane's up next. What's up Shane?"

Shane: "Now Paul, you know me and you know if there's one thing I don't like it's a rat bastard Auburn fan. I can't stand it when little weasel's like Bobby from Homewood call into your show and brag about how Auburn's beatin Alabama the last five years. Now I'll tell you what Paul, and Bobby from Homewood for that matter, you got another thing comin, and that things name is Nick Saban, bless his sacred holy name. Yes sir-y bob Nick Saban gon beat the fire out a Auburn for the next 25 years, mark my word right now on this here show, hand over heart, I do pledge allegiance to his name. Tell you what, Bobby from Homewood, freedom hatin cow college s.o.b... I was down at A-Day 200Saban this year with my wife and Shane Jr. and them boys looked good. Real good. Nick's gone whip them boys into shape. You better watch out cause the tide is gone roll next year. Yes sir. Bear willin.

and another thing Paul...I been sittin here since the last time I called into your show, yesterday, from my home, where I listen to the radio all day and contemplate the next time I will call your show to kiss your ass and make an idiot of myself...and I been thinkin bout recruitin an bout how sweet it's goin to be when Nick Saban whips up on Auburn, an Florida, an Tennerssee in recruitin. Now I've been checkin the TiderInsider intranet account I borrowed from my friend who lets me use his password, god bless him, every day now for the last 8 years and man I tell you what, Nick's gone do a number on um this year. Man, ain't that gone be sweet. That's all I got, Paul. Roll Tide world wide. I'm out."