Things to report from sunday lunch, and other topics:

Most Sunday's my family goes to lunch with my grandmother after church. Today we went to Shan-gri-la, a delicious chinese restaurant near old Eastwood Mall/new fancy Wal-Mart. Mom said that yesterday, toward the later stages of the alabama-auburn game, dad got pretty upset with alabama's performance. Dad likes to slap his hands against his knees and yell at the tv when things go wrong during Alabama sporting events. Mom reports that this was all very upsetting to our dog, Dotty, who fled the den with her tail tucked, chosing to spend the rest of the evening in the laundry hamper.

Another thing from lunch: Conversation between me and my grandmother, Ahree.

"Tyler what's that country in Africa you went to?"
Me- "Mozambique"
Ahree- "I heard something in the news about one of those countries. Something just awful, I can't remember, did you see anything about that?"
Me- "I don't think so."
Ahree- "Well, I can't remember either. Just google it."

Ahree has never googled anything and wouldn't know where to locate the "on" button to a computer.

A follow up note on Cracker Barrel:

My uncle informed me over Thanksgiving that Cracker Barrel's are left handed. It's true. You walk into the barrel, bam, you're in the gift shop thing. Which way do you go to be seated you might ask, left of course. The dining area is always to the left of the gift shop, always, except, I hear, for the Barrel in Cullman, but Cullman is kind of a strange place so I don't put much stock into what they do at the Cullman barrel.

Thanks for bringing this noteworthy observation to my attention, uncle David.

Last thing: ...and this is kind of a strange and perhaps disturbing thing, so get ready. I got really upset after the Alabama-Auburn game on Saturday. I usually don't get upset when Alabama loses games, but not this time. Toward the end of the game, and with the aid of several adult beverages, I think I felt hatred towards Auburn. You know, six is too many times in a row to get beat by any team.

After the game I got this real intense kind of 300 esque thought in my mind, like, this shit will not stand, man. This is the last time. Next year we will destroy them like the Persian dogs they are, and for good measure we will burn down select parts of their campus, not excluding key cow pastures! Then we will take their band members hostage, bringing them to Tuscaloosa where they will be forced to stay in the most terrible of all places, Tutweiler. Band members will only be fed from the worst Tuscaloosa chinese buffet and at the beginning of every hour there will be a forced viewing of that pre-game video where Bear Bryant mumbles a lot and talks about being a winner.

Tommy Tuberville is Zerkses and Nick Saban, King Lionitus, will cut off Tuberville's goofy Persian ears, strip off all his under armor logo'd garments, and offer them as a gift to the Bear's grave...and their will be much rejoicing. Yes, that is what will happen. Bank on it.

Saban demands it!