Where do we go when we die? A good question, and the answer is simple, if you're a member of the Sigma Chi fraternity. That's right, if you were lucky enough to be initiated into our elite order, you've got yourself a one way ticket punched for Chapter Eternal, the big chapter in the sky.

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like...

Obviously everyone would live in one house, chapter house eternal. Although, I hear some of the older guys live in some apartments down the street. I hope my room in the house isn't above the speakers in the basement, like it was in real life. Listening to the vibrations of "Alive" (members of Pearly Jam actually come to perform the song in Sigma Chi heaven) from below is no way to spend eternity. I also imagine that everyone would eat in one great hall every night for dinner, just like in Harry Potter, except Constantine would preside over each meal. Sitting to his left would be John Wayne and when he arrives, there will be a seat awaiting Chen to Constantine's right side. After dinner David Letterman will provide weekly entertainment by way of his top ten lists and occasional video feeds with Rupert G. of the eternal Hello Deli. Also, one night a week we will watch a Brad Pitt film and brother Pitt will tell us everything there is to know about acting and being awesome.

You can also go to church in Sigma Chi heaven. I like to believe there are seven churches, and each of the founders serves as the senior pastor for one of the churches. I also choose to believe you can drink beer in church eternal, as it aides the worship experience. Another thing I choose to believe is that everything in Chapter Eternal should and will be followed by the word "eternal", ie. "Penny Beer Eternal," "Pledge Dance Eternal," "Publix Eternal" and so on and so forth.

The only bad thing about Sigma Chi heaven is that it's next door to KA Heaven. This is unfortunate because KA Heaven insists on playing Ring of Fire at all hours of the night, not to mention that gunfire and unruly battle crys can occasionally be heard from periodic KA Heaven Civil War reenactments. Besides that, everything is good. SAE Heaven is at the other end of Fraternity Eternal Row and independents have a separate heaven on a far away eternal dorm quad, so those things are good.

I can't wait to get there!