You know those Bud Lite radio commercials where they do the salute to...whoever thing, "Real American Heroes." Well, I decided to create one such ad on the behalf of the girls on the MTV show, "My Super Sweet Sixteen," which I do watch.

Today we salute you, My Super Sweet Sixteen girl. Even though daddy refuses to pay for a F-16 fighter jet squadron to beckon your arrival for the big party, you still manage to crank the ignition to your new Range Rover with an easy smile. We all know it's not easy being you, oh princess of puberty, baroness of the Banana Republic. Bow Wow canceled on you last second and now you have to settle for a guest appearance by Clay Aiken, ouch. We have much to learn from you, oh matron of materialism. It was you who flew with a friend and dad to Paris and met with a fashion consultant to scour the Parisian sweet sixteen dress market, only to fire her halfway through the day and press on by yourselves to purchase the perfect $3,000 dress that needed hundreds of dollars of alterations, and it was you who made the clutch decision to have a giant zit lasered off your face just before the big day. So here's to you, super sweet sixteen girl, get out there on the dance floor and get a little jiggy with it alongside your five hundred closest friends and select obligitory minority guests, we all know you deserve it.